Balance. Now there's a loaded word. Over the past year (who am I kidding it's been well over 10 years) I've been searching for the definition and/or execution of "balance." Don't hold your breath, I don't have many answers. What I have discovered is that for me, balance is a living breathing organism that is in constant motion and change. Kind of like a child. Just when I think I've figured out how to keep some kind of balance in my life, something happens- someone develops a severe food allergy, the car breaks down, unexpected visitors show up at the door when my laundry is strewn across the family room, or most recently a job offer lands on my lunch plate.
After almost 7 years I have recently returned to the full time (commuting, leaving the house with a packed lunch sans Goldfish, and in heels) work force. It was not an easy decision, but the job is was a lifetime dream come true, the kids seemed to be at a good place in their development, and I was ready for a new challenge. I should mention that I'm a fairly big planner. I like to do my homework and work out all the details before I jump too far into things. In this case, I spent hours researching childcare. Mapped out every possible schedule scenario I could think of. Spent days going over the potential conflicts of my new job and my husbands crazy schedule.
Then after finally feeling okay about taking the job, I started the new job nesting. I was shocked at how similar this time was to my pregnancy experiences. I purged and organized my house. Did major grocery shopping. Updated my wardrobe to include some things that didn't have spit up stains and dry play dough on them.
So here's what I have learned in the past few months since returning to work. 1) All the planning in the world did not prepare me for what I was about to encounter. 2) I secretly love leaving the house and kids everyday. 3) Despite my fears, our children are thriving with outside care. 4) Working full time while raising 2 kids, being a wife, friend, daughter, sister, and normal person is, for me, one of the most challenging experiences of my life to date. Let me explain.
I don't have to tell you, a fellow busy mother, that life throws you curve balls at least once a week. I'm blessed to have a job that is semi flexible to those curve balls, but I still have responsibilities that are not negated by a last minute homework assignment at school or make-up baseball practice. As much as a planner I'd like to be, with this many balls in the air, I've been simply taking life a week at a time. If I'm brave, I might schedule out two weeks, but that hasn't happened very often. There have been weeks we haven't gotten to the grocery, and I'm scouring the pantry mixing up some cans of whatever I can find to make a meal for the family at 7pm. I've pulled out dirty shorts for the kids when we hadn't gotten to laundry all week and they had nothing clean to wear. A long time lover of daily morning showers, I've almost mastered the dirty hair styling.
And before the comments start pouring in about my secret love of leaving the house and kids, hear me out. In my dream world I would be the perfect balance of Martha Stewart and Mother Teresa. Stylish, loving, creative, compassionate, organized, and self sacrificing. Ideal, I know. Since I have no plans of vowing chastity or moving to New York to take over for Martha, I'm me, and have yet to arrive at any of those titles.
I love my kids. They are the best thing my husband and I have ever created. But the challenges, as hard as they are, of being in the 'work force' doing a job I was made to do, is so fulfilling. I know I'm in the place I'm supposed to be in, and so are the kids. If the kids weren't doing as well as they are in their settings (elementary school and preschool/childcare) it may be a different story. But they are thriving. They are learning to be more independent and to take care of their own needs. After all that's the goal right? This helps fulfill our desire to raise independent, world changing people. Plus, they are watching me. I know it. They see when I'm tired and worn down. They also see me working hard, keeping my word, following through with tasks and commitments, balancing a career and a family, and being an independent woman. And as backwards as it may sound, when we are all together as a family, we are happier. We have more fun together. And we don't take each other for granted like we used to. Five o'clock is no longer my most dreaded hour of the day. For my family, having two working parents, has made us stronger. And for that I am grateful.
Resa is a real mom who was born and bred in a suburb of New York City. She's been married to her college sweetheart for 9 years and is mother to two boys. Resa took the ''off-ramp'' from the non-profit, social work field when her first son was born. After running her own business from home from the last 5 years, she recently returned to a traditional job as a store manager for Cotton Babies.
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