Things I Would Rather Buy

When my husband is working a lot of overtime I get tempted. Wandering through the grocery store, those cute little boxes of disposable diapers sing their siren song, "I'm so much easier, you can do a little less laundry since this week is so busy." I begin to falter, reaching out towards a particular favorite brand, realizing no, I don't want the smaller package, because then I have to worry about running out. But the price sets me back a bit. $20 for the big box. I look at my cart. $20 adds a lot to a grocery bill. Especially since disposable diapers are just trash. Trash I would have to pay $20 for.

My mind wanders some more. What else could I buy for $20? The possibilities are endless!

• A book for myself (or two or three)
• A couple of books for my kids
• A pair of shoes on sale
• A purse (never mind, I won't be carrying just a purse for a while now.)
• A special outing to the zoo or a movie with a child
• Here's an idea - just save that money.
  

Any one of those sounds much better than buying something that will just be trash two hours after using it. Really stinky trash. So, because I am selfish, I pass up the disposable diapers again and remind myself that no matter what I use on the baby's behind, I still have to change it anyway.

But wait a minute. What about all that money spent on cloth diapers? That is a heck of a lot more than $20. What could you have spent that money on? Good point.

First off, that money does not add to my already astronomical grocery bill. Let's face it, $150 for groceries looks different in the check register than $170. The money comes from the clothing part of the budget (floppy, lopsided budget that it is.) Secondly, cloth diapers are purchased and then you have them. They don't go in the trash. They are there for your constant use.

Still, that is a lot of money to fork out all at once. So here is an idea: don't fork it out all at once. Some people will want to buy it all at once and dive in, some would rather try out a few options first. Buy your diapers over three or four months and build a nice stash of cloth gradually. If you are ahead of the game, you can do this while you are pregnant and have it all ready to go buy the time the baby comes. If you are starting out later, it may mean that you don't jump to full time cloth right away, but that is no reason not to start at all.

For example:
Month 1 you might buy
bumGenius 3 pack - 53.10
6 infant prefolds - 9.00
2 Bummis Super Brite covers - 25.90
Total: $88 - Enough for free shipping! And also enough to cloth diaper at least part time.

The next month you might get more bumGenius, more prefolds, a wet bag, and some wipes. For more information about what to choose and how to get started, see Cloth Diapers - Just the Basics.

Before you know it you have a very well stocked diaper collection.

A Favorite Baby Toy

Fold a piece of clothing, hand Lily her toy, fold a piece of clothing, hand Lily her toy... so it went as I tried to catch up on folding the mountain of laundry while Lily was willing to sit in her Bumbo chair. Unfortunately though, Lily's grip is not the surest and she can't reach the things that fall on the floor from her seat. So up and down I went, handing her the toy and then folding something. It was so nice to see her interested in something besides me for a moment, even if her dexterity wasn't quite as in tune as her interest.

Choosing your baby's first toys can be a hard choice for a thoughtful parent. I like to choose things that are well made with fair labor and are safe, but I also want to make sure it is something my baby will really enjoy.

Keeping in mind that one of your baby's favorite toys are his parent's own fingers, I try to find toys that have several parts about that size that are easy to grab.

Triola is a nice girly example, Rally Clutching Toy is a boyish one and Trio is a gender neutral one.

Once your baby has gotten a little more coordinated and is playing with two hands at once and able to hold onto thing of different sizes, you might want to add in cute little things like the Moby Flexible Handling Toy.

I get hooked on baby toys. The lovely clacking sound of the wood is definitely preferable to a plastic rattle to my ears, and is usually a bit quieter. At least it is quieter until the child learns to bang it on other things to make different and better sounds. I love to place a baby down in the middle of the floor and spread the toys around and watch to see what she goes for first. Sometimes it is her own toe, but sometimes she will zero in on a particular toy and work hard until she gets it. That is a privileged moment for a parent; to see their child begin to form their own goal and to work to pursue it. And it all begins with a bright little toy.

(Cottonbabies has information about the testing and quality standards of the toys it sells: Plan Toys and Haba Toys.)

Car Seat Safety Part 2

I asked Maryanne to explain some of the mistakes she sees that she listed in the first post. Some are very self explanatory, but here are her answers:

• Facing forward too soon

How long should a child Rear Face? A child should remain rearfacing to the limits of their particular carseat. The limits being the carseat's rearfacing weight limit AND you must ensure that they have 1" or more of plastic shell above their head.

• Boosters being used too soon

When is a child old enough or big enough for a booster? A good goal is to keep a child in a 5-point harness through age 4. Once a child hits age 5, a booster might be an option depending on the child's size and maturity.

• Using LATCH for center positions when LATCH is not allowed in the center for that vehicle

How do I know what LATCH positions are allowed? You must read your vehicle's manual to find out which seating positions allow for usage of the lower anchors.

• Loose straps
  

How tight should the straps be? If you can pinch the harness vertically between your two fingers, it's too loose.

• Aftermarket accessories

What are aftermarket accessories? Aftermarket products include seat protectors, infant body pillows, carseat toys, seat belt tighteners, and anything that does not come in the original box with your carseat.

• Twisted straps (vehicle seat belts, latch straps, and harness straps)
• Using the wrong belt path or not switching the LATCH straps (seats have different belt/LATCH paths for RF and FF)
• Chest clips too low

Where should the chest clip be? The chest clip should be at armpit level.

• Using seats that are outgrown

How can I tell if my child's seat is outgrown? You must read your carseat's manual to find the weight and height limits for your seat.

• Seat belt installs where the seat belt is NOT locked

You must read your vehicle's manual to find out how your seat belts lock. There are several types of seat belts and your manual can provide instructions for locking.

• Not using top tethers
• Using both LATCH and seat belt

Isn't that more secure? Using LATCH and seat belts together causes all the straps to interfere with each other and, most importantly, the seat has never been crash tested that way. There is also a possibility that using both systems will double the crash force on the seat, causing it to fail.

• Not replacing a seat after a crash
• Expired seats

When do caresats expire? All carseat are labeled with a sticker and/or a stamp in their plastic shell indicating their expirations date. Your manual will also tell you. Most seats expire in 6-8 years.

• Thick coats

How do you keep a child warm then? Blankets, thin fleece suits, and ponchos can be used. You can also remove a child's coat, buckle them in, and then put their coat back on backwards.

• Usage of seats that are recalled

How can I check and see if my seat has been recalled? The best idea is to register your seat as soon as you get it to you will be notified of a recall. An online listing is available on the NTHSA page for Defects and Recalls.

• Children (12 and under) sitting in the front seat
• Not reading the carseat manual
• Not reading the vehicle manual
• Straps not in the right position (above or below shoulders)

Where should the straps be? If your child is rearfacing, straps should be AT or BELOW the shoulders. If your child is forward facing, straps should be AT or ABOVE the shoulders. Your carseat's manual will also have information about this, as well as directions on how to adjust the harness height.

Thank you, Maryanne for helping to taking the time to share this information and for your concern with children's safety!

Car Seat Safety Part 1

During the last year I have been reading up on Car Seat Information. I even briefly considered taking the course to become a Certified Car Seat Safety Technician, but the class fell on a week when I was 36 weeks pregnant and one of my babies was starting kindergarten… I just couldn’t miss that! Since I am not certified or really the one to ask about these issues here is the first part of my interview with Maryanne, a CPST.

How did you become interested in Car Seat Safety?

Maryanne: Thanks to some online parenting forums, I found out that you could find technicians to check your seats for you. When Mila was about 3 months old, I went to get our seat checked at our local police station. I made some very common errors that the technician corrected. Her next appointment never arrived, so she and I spent over an hour chatting about car safety, crash dynamics, car seat, etc. I found the whole subject fascinating and she told me that I should look into taking a technician course myself.

What is a CPST?

Maryanne: CPST = Child Passenger Safety Technician. Technicians take a 4-5 day course that includes 1 hands-on seat belt identification exam, 1 hands-on car seat installation exam, and 1 written exam. The course is a mix of classroom time and time spent in cars with car seats. We learn about child restraint laws, crash dynamics, physics, types of seats, types of seat belts, special needs, and how to work with the public. The course end in a seat check where the technicians work with the public. You can only be a CPST if you pass all the exams and participate in the seat check. Every 2 years, you must re-certify. Re-certification includes participating in seat checks or public education events, attaining continuing education credits so you remain up-to-date, and you must perform 5 different types of installations and have them reviewed by an Instructor. Certification is key because it ensures that all techs are staying current on best practices and all techs have been thoroughly trained to the same standards.

What do you do as a CPST?

Maryanne: Technicians spend time at seat checks where they inspect car seats, educate parents, and teach the parent how to install their seats properly. We also participate in public safety events where we hand out educational materials, speak to parents, and do demonstrations.

What are some common mistakes that you see when you check car seats?

Maryanne:

• Facing forward too soon
• Boosters being used too soon
• Using LATCH for center positions when LATCH is not allowed in the center for that vehicle
• Loose straps
• Aftermarket accessories
• Twisted straps (vehicle seat belts, latch straps, and harness straps)
• Using the wrong belt path or not switching the LATCH straps (seats have different belt/LATCH paths for RF and FF)
• Chest clips too low
• Using seats that are outgrown
• Seat belt installs where the seat belt is NOT locked
• Not using top tethers
• Using both LATCH and seat belt
• Not replacing a seat after a crash
• Expired seats
• Thick coats
• Usage of seats that are recalled
• Children (12 and under) sitting in the front seat
• Not reading the carseat manual
• Not reading the vehicle manual
• Straps not in the right position (above or below shoulders)

How can people find a CPST to check their car seats?

Maryanne: The fastest way is to look online at National Standardized Child Passenger Safety Training Program.

Anything else you would like to add:

Maryanne: Car safety is so important because vehicular crashes are the leading cause of death for those age 34 and under. Our children are particularly vulnerable because of their small size. Very simple changes in the way that parents use their car seats can literally save their child's life in a crash. It is always worth it to take the time to see a technician.

Riding the Potty Train

There are as many ways to approach potty training as there are children in diapers. Even in the same family, different kids will require a different way of learning. But there is one thing about potty training that I think needs to be made very clear:

Potty training is a process, not an event.

Think of it like weaning your child to solid food. You wouldn't ever expect them to go straight from getting all or most of their nutrition from bottle or breast to getting all of it from solid food. Their little bodies, minds and habits need to slowly adapt to these giant changes.

Little ones want to grow up. We couldn't stop them if we tried. Some children, even though they want to grow up, are more conflicted about leaving behind the things of babyhood than others. Some children decide it is time and move directly ahead, never looking back. And some children will have difficulty because something doesn't work right for them. It is our job as our child's parent to facilitate (make easier) their learning process, to encourage them beyond their failures and to always hope for the best for our child. But really here, we are just talking about potty training. Ha ha - just potty training?

Here are some basic approaches to Potty Training:

Infant Potty Training: Also called EC or Elimination Communication. This is where parents/caregivers learn to read the signals of a baby and then hold them over a bowl, sink, or toilet to allow them to pee or poop.

Early Potty Training: As outlined by Grandmothers everywhere and the Baby Whisperer. The child is introduced to the potty around or even before age one. Often it is a matter of figuring out the child's body schedule and working with that to show them how to use the potty. Generally children are expected to be potty trained by two.

Less Than a Day: From the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day". You barricade yourself and your toddler in the kitchen for a day and feed them lots of liquids to make them pee more often. Some love this approach, some hate it. With this approach, potty training is treated as an event. You do it once and it is over with. While it may work for some, it created power struggles with my children, and if there is anything I have learned, you CAN NOT WIN a power struggle with a child with regards to their body functions. Ask me how know.

Child Led Potty Training: This is the "They'll get it when they get it" school of thought. More relaxed, often later training. You wait until your child shows signs of readiness and can speak about potty functions. Your child is usually already old enough to pull their pants up and down on their own.

My Personal Mix of Them All: I introduce the potty around age one and start putting them on it before baths and upon waking from naps and in the morning. I do it when it is convenient and when I feel like it and the child is cooperative. I am certainly not pushy. If they don't want to sit, they don't sit. If they never want to sit, then the potty hides for a couple of months until it is a bit of a novelty again. At some point, we catch pee in the potty or even poop and the child gets a reward like M&M's or something. As time goes by we catch it more and more and gradually wean from diapers to big kid pants.

The Tale of Two Trainees:

My fifth child, Tessa, was introduced to the potty a little after a year. We start having a potty chair available for the kids once they start walking and have them sit on it before baths if they want to. No pressure, it's just there. Tessa however caught on right away. She could put some pee in the potty just about every time she sat on it. Still, it was just something we did now and then. One day we were shopping at Target and she signaled that she had to pee. I told her I would take her to the potty but it might take a minute (we were at the far end of the store - of course!) and if she peed in her diaper that was fine. Low and behold she made it to the potty and peed when I put her on it. After that she wanted to do all her peeing on the potty and poop followed soon after. She was in full time panties by 17 months old of her own choice. A good thing? Well it would have been if we hadn't been about to take a family vacation to Washington D.C.

There is a time in potty training when the child interprets every twinge of the bladder as a signal to go to the bathroom. This is a good thing. They are learning to listen to their body and trying to respond to it. The downside is that they don't know yet how long they can wait, so some children will wait too long to go and some will not wait at all. For those who don't wait at all, they may have less accidents, but there will be a few weeks where they seem to need to use the potty every 20 minutes or so. This can be difficult on a family vacation walking through a big city and lots of museums. Our solution was to put a small potty chair in the stroller basket and have it available. The bathrooms where we were were just too few and far between. So Tessa has gone potty in just about every national monument in D.C.

Then there is Max, who is currently 3 years old and who is on the verge of a panic attack if I suggest that he wear underwear. He too has been exposed to the potty chair since early on but has never made a deposit in it. So for now, we simply make the suggestion to try and go potty every few days and that is that. He will grow up, and he will be in underwear someday. But for now he is focusing his development elsewhere.

Some things to remember:

1. Keep in mind your temperament and your child's temperament. This is why I don't do the "Less than a Day" version. I just am not able to keep it light and happy. I get all tense and so does the child and it's all downhill from there.


2. Pull-ups are diapers. Your child is no dummy, he knows what diapers look like, where you buy them in the store and that they are to catch pee. Using them is fine and can be convenient, but don't kid yourself that they are big kid pants.


3. Big Kid Pants like these allow for some protection from accidents while still feeling like real Big Kid Underwear. These will wet through if the child just has a full accident but provide more absorbency than just underwear so you don't have a puddle on the floor or in their shoes to deal with.


4. Buy underwear or training pants just a little bit loose so the child can pull them up and down easier.
   
   


5. You can't win a power struggle with regards to potty training. If you sense one starting. Back away slowly.


6. Girls and boys will often potty train differently. Different children will often react differently to different methods.


7. If you are trying to potty train your child. DO NOT tell them to pee in their diaper when it is inconvenient to take them potty.


8. Sometimes they will forget or have accidents. Keep it light and matter-of-fact as you help them get cleaned up.


9. And finally: This too shall pass.

Happy Training!

The Spring Weather Clothing Puzzle

I realize that in many places Spring weather hasn't yet hit. But here in my neck of the woods it is creeping up fast.

One of the difficult things about Spring is that I never know what to wear. In one day the temps can go from cold to hot and back again and while that is only a minor annoyance for a grown-up, it is a little trickier for babies. Cold babies are crabby babies, hot babies are crabby babies, but babies who are just right are happy. And since happy babies make happy parents, we want to dress our babies for comfort.

Little babies are easy. You put a blanket on them when they are cold and take it off when they are too warm. But once babies are sitting and moving a little, they don't want you restricting them with a blanket. They would rather be cold than held still thankyouverymuch.

Now is the time for more flexible clothing. Here is an example from just the other day around here. Saturday was a busy day, we had an afternoon of shopping and it was warm, Lily wore just a diaper, onesie, socks and Robeez (because otherwise she takes her socks off). Then later on we were inside for a while, so I put her Babylegs on and tucked her in the sling. But even later we had dinner outside, so I put a hat on her head and a fleece sleeper over all of it. (Minus the Robeez.) The best part was that with the babylegs on her, diaper changing was still a breeze even when dealing with layers. I hate having to take their pants all the way off, then unsnap the onesie, then change the diaper, then put the pants back on. But I am just lazy that way, I suppose. The Babylegs just stay where they are and the diaper changing is fast. (And they are so SOFT! Even with chunky thighs, I have yet to see any red marks from where the Babylegs are.)

We will be out and about a lot in the coming weeks and you can be sure that a pair of babylegs will now be a staple in my diaper bag. Onesie, check. Baby sweater, check. Baby hat, check. Babylegs, double check. We'll be ready for anything.

Pick a Worry, Any Worry

Phthalates, BPA, mercury, dioxins, smog, sunburn vs. vitamin D shortage, MSG, developing too slowly/too quickly, hormones in meat and dairy, pesticides on foods, trans fats, child too chubby/too skinny, too short/too tall, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, when to start solids, vaccines, antibiotic resistant bugs, just plain BUGS, did he just eat dirt, do hot dogs cause cancer...

The list of things we worry about as mommies is very nearly infinite. I am sure you can dream up new ones to add to my list. And that list was just the things we can worry about with a small child, is seems to increase geometrically as they get older and their sphere of experience expands.

I don't know about you, but my piddly human mind just can't contain all of the possible worries that I *needed* to worry about as a mom. There finally came a point where I simply had to let some go.

Does that mean I ignored them? Well I kind of do ignore some of those nagging worries. I don't throw caution to the wind and just give up, but there are some things I just couldn't give my thought time to anymore. I take a deep breath, look my worry in the eye, and let it go. I do what I can and call it good.

With some things that involves making a little change. Take sippy cups for example. I am not going to toss out my whole stash of sippies willy-nilly, but I am going to make sure any new ones I purchase are BPA free ones, and toss the old ones as I can. It means changing our habits so that instead of having 5 cheap sippies for each small child in the house we have just one higher quality sippy, so we need to know where they are. They get washed by hand and kept on the counter between uses.

Small product switches like changing from supermarket baby products to California Baby or Burt's Bees helps me to leave behind the worry that there are too many chemicals leaching into my baby's skin. And the difference in price helps me to remember that these are cosmetics and that I should use them sparingly, especially on young skin.

I buy organic whenever I can. But when there is more month than money I just buy the regular produce and milk. I give it no more permission to take up my time, energy and stress with thoughts that I should be doing more. I keep doing better than I was doing before. My home and my family have fewer toxins than they had a year ago, but there are many more to work on. In the mean time I do my best and live with a little of the idea that "it hasn't killed us yet..."

The media these days thrives on bad news and it can get very easy at times to get sucked into their fear mongering. The stress that they mass produce and pipe into our TVs, computers, and radios can have a worse effect on us and our families than some of the things they are scaring us about. When you feel that stress catching up to you, (and it is only natural that it should, you are a parent and want what is best for your precious child) take a moment and write down the list of worries. Then pick one. Pick a worry, any worry. Ask yourself if there is something you can do about it to make your life or your child's life better. Ignore all the other ones for now, they will wait for you. If you can do something great! If not, look that worry in the face and let it go with the knowledge that you are still doing your best for your family.